ATHIEST

This decision has been years in the making, from the time I was a small child, being tortured by a screaming psychotic of a mother and sexually molested by a pedophile adoptive father.  And yesterday, when Kathy told me that they hadn't found enough of Anyssia's body to bury, well that did it!

If there was a god, you would think he would at least watch over and protect children, if no one else!  And since it isn't being done,I have to conclude THERE IS NO GOD!

Which is liberating in a great sense, which frees me from having to celebrate Christmas, which I have hated most of my life, since most of the horrors that happened to me, happened around that time.  And I can feel free to ignore any other So-called Christian holidays.  No saints days (Valentines, Patrick's); Easter, or Halloween.   Now I know the latter is pagan, but without a  God; there are no spirits floating around either.  When you are dead that is the end.

And greatly liberating in the sense, I don't have to worry about the ass-wipe parents being where
i would meet them again.  And I am free of the Honor thy mother and father shit (Mother's and Father's Day), especially since they did nothing they should be honored for!  I  usually used those days for celebrating the fact they were dead, anyway


I like New Years, mentally, it feels like a new start, a clean slate!  And I can celebrate season's changing, the 4th of July as I believe in the good old US of A, and Memorial Day,Labor Day, and Veteran's Day.


In keeping with that I frogged the Rudolph cloth using the brown for a pineapple cloth that is in the Fruit booklet , and will probably use the other bit for the pie cloth in the Dessert Booklet.  Put 15 lines on the pineapple so far.

Tragedy for old Friends

The older I get, the less I understand the world today. Our friends daughter was murdered, because her boyfriend didn't want to be a father! So his answer to it all is to kill a sweet 17 year old and her 3 month fetus and dump them in the trash!

January 2010 Report

This year has not started off well at all. Kathy got bronchitis and some sort of a cold which Nick caught of course!

The news with Nick is not good -- he has progressed to stage one leukemia now and as soon as his cold is gone has to go on his first round of cancer drugs.

Nothing going on my end as everything awaits my echocardiogram in February, and cardiologist appointment in March.

Went to Redlands Wal-Mart and got about a half dozen balls of cotton yarn. Got drenched coming out -- CA version of winter! Just for one's education, there is no umbrella large enough to cover a wheelchair!

Two knitting projects going at present -- a monogramed dishcloth in Peaches and Creme color Licorice for Nick and a "Love" cloth from KrisKnits Valentine collection. Not quite finished the whole collection, I have the "Lips", "Be Mine", "Heart Necklace" still to do.

On my mind is the fact I need to get a priority mailing box and pack up all the acrylic yarn to send to the Cheyenne River Reservation. The Senior Center there can use it.

Funny thing is, there is a reservation right above us -- the San Manuels lack for nothing! The difference can be explained in one --Casino! The casino makes so much money, the Governator started taxing them!

Well, back to the needles for me.

On My Feet -----Mentally

If not physically! Still bedbound since needed spinal surgery has been sidelined by a newly discovered heart ailment.

Not that I am lazy --I enter sweepstakes, knit dishcloths, play all Last Day of Work's Virtual Villager (tm)games,take care of my service dog and atend to my personal needs.

My current dishcloth is from Kristen Patays' Christmas I collection. She is a very talented designer and I also like her blog "Kristen Knits".

I am able to blog from bed due to having an on-screen keyboard. That, along with Online Sweestakes (c) and Roboform(tm) keeps me winning small items now and then.

Most recent win was a Jackie Mason dvd.

I got over my depression finally around Thanksgiving when I went to write in my personal journal and filled over 3 pages of it!

So I will try nd blog more often.

Long Time No Write

I haven't updated my blog since I fell and shattered my kneecap and broke the two bones in my left leg. Now the bones have healed and I am still not able to walk. Been a bit depressed since my world view is from a wheelchair.


I badly need to get a digital camera so I can add the finished products of my busy work -- mainly crocheting outfits for my Berenguer dolls to this blog.

I have continued entering sweepstakes also, my latest win having been a pre-publication copy of American Rust, a murder mystery.

We finally got moved into a downstairs apartment with a ramp outside the door for my wheel chair --no more crawling up and down the staircase and ruining my husband and daughter's backs lugging a heavy wheelchair up and down the stairs.

Doll Dress

Since I am stuck in bed, I have Been designing a doll dress which I will post for free on the internet. This one gives people more of a choice for dressing the Berenguer Baby Steps doll(tm). Not to say I didn't learn from the other dress -- I learned exactly what not to do!

First off, baby yarn is too heavy for dressing those dolls. Fingering yarn is the way to go. And when you design a dress for a doll -- take into consideration, the age group is supposed to be, in this case, a toddler -- not a matron in a sausage dress.

My dress is a delicate shell stitch white dress, edged in baby green, it stands out from the dolls waist and stops short of their little chubby baby knees.

Crazy Behavior

Nick mind must be going! First off, I took a bad fall down the apartment steps and pulled the muscles in my left leg badly. He didn't want to waste the money to take me to the doctor! Kathy took me and paid for it. Then after Kathy left, he takes the brace off my leg ahd heaves it into his closet saying I didn't need it.

But the worst was yet to come -- he decided that my pain meds would stay on his schedule, not as needed. I went into shock yesterday evening, clammy, cold chills the whole bit, so I yelled at him until he gave me my pain pills.

I am trying to stick this marriage out but this is destroying my health!

What to do. I don't which way to go. Could someone give me some advice?